Reflection on my Gap Year
400 days of indirection, I finally have arrived.
I would like to preface this by thanking everyone who has read my 177 blogs and articles over the course of the year, it is because of you that I continued to reflect and go forward despite the extended periods of discouragement, failure, and yearning for things to be a little more structured.
I would like to begin by sharing with you all the happy ending, grander than a Shakespearean tale, that God has penned for my Gap Year:
Having finally accepted and received my fate with immense gratitude, I was greeted with a message. A research program within my college had discovered me and reached out.
How could I decline such a feasible opportunity that has landed in my electronic lap?
One phone call and an interview was scheduled.
One man facing four panelists, deciding whether he’s a worthy candidate.
Days pass… Nothing.
“Mom, I can’t go on vacation, I have a three-week bootcamp with my potential research fellowship.”
Days filled with work, lifting, and running pass by.
Eddie asks, “Hey Ethan, can I borrow some cash for work? They haven’t paid me yet.”
“Sure.”
After my remote job, a divine gift received on my last day at Starbucks, I open my Chase app to discover a payment deposit from a Hanes modeling gig that was completed over 100 days ago.
Then, opening my email (one of the likely 200 times I habitually do throughout the day), I see that I’ve been admitted to the paid research fellowship. I find out that the research topics are Endocrine Disruptors, Circadian Rhythm, Cortisol/Stress, and other subjects that I’ve spent each day of the past few years passionately researching.
It’s also no coincidence that my Church and I are planning a small celebratory lake trip on the day before my research fellowship begins — the last day of my Gap Year.
So, I don’t have to work for two years. Instead, I get paid to research my burning passions. I am connected to scientists whom I’ve been following for years. I get to stay with my family, make new friends, double major in my passions for Computer Science and Health Science, and get recognized for my talents. All I had to do was be kind, faithful, and work somewhat hard?
Count me in.
Meta Trends of the Gap Year
1 — Isolation — The Double-Edged Sword
2 — Obsession — The only way Out
3 — Routine — The only way Through
4 — Exponential Growth/Decay of Personality/Identity
5 — Failure — The only way How
6 — Lack of Direction
Timeline of the Gap Year
1 — Deciding to Delay my life a Year and what to Do
2 — Modeling, Summer Counselor, SAT
3 — Coding, Writing, Wanting (for things to be easier)
4 — Working, Working, oh, and Writing again
5 — College Failure
6 — Success
1 — Deciding to Delay My Life
This was an easy decision.
Of course, I wanted to stay home for another year, watch my friends’ stories on social media of them having fun, having no clue what I am doing, and pray every day that things work out.
In all honesty, it was easy, but not for those reasons; in the heat of the moment in which I got mass-rejected from my dream schools, I was ready to be forged into whatever decision my father made, and he immediately said take a gap year.
School was weird after that because the hierarchy flipped, and I went from the athlete + prospective IVY to no sport nor college wannabe.
2 — Modeling, Summer Counselor, SAT
The summer after senior year was filled with a whole lot of intermittent fasting, chasing after kids who needed teachers that were more trained than me, hours on the Stairmaster, a few thousand reps of Lunges + Pull-ups + Incline Bench, and studying to retake the SAT.
I got signed to a modeling agency and started to realize the implications of a gap year.
Friends started moving away, money started getting low, and excitement & purpose started fading.
3 — Coding, Writing, Wanting (for things to be easier)
Started to go to Starbucks right when they opened (5:30), staying until 1 pm obsessing over Codecademy and programming projects.
Discovered AI around this time, went back to jiu-jitsu, and was training 2x a day.
Happened to write another book.
Learned enough about computer science to win a Hackathon at Princeton on the day of my birthday (Nov. 12).
Also got flown out to the most famous AI conference in the world.
4 — Working, Working, oh, and Writing again
Started working 5 am shifts at Starbucks just about every day, going to Barnes and Noble to read + people watched.
Started training 3x a day, training BJJ like crazy, won an adult tournament, and worked some new odd jobs (security at Fendi, Vera Wang, and a few others).
5 — College Failure
After doing everything I did over the gap year, I receive news that it was all for nothing.
That’s a lie, I knew going into admissions day that this gap year made me a new person, it merged who I wanted to be with who I actually was.
I’ve learned so many skills, fields, topics, and lessons that I could never have gotten otherwise.
My literal reaction to getting rejected. I went to the gym 5 minutes later.
1 — Isolation — The Double-Edged Sword
The Gap Year was extremely lonely in the beginning.
Although my manic obsession with AI & training alleviated much of the side effects of loneliness, I merely replaced it with masochism.
When the side effects would seep through, it was very distracting.
Distracting to the point where I would have been more productive by being distracted by others than the lack thereof.
Solitude did give way to increasing bandwidth and dedicating its entirety to my passion rather than frivolous worries associated with the nature of socializing.
I go in solitude, so as not to drink out of everybody’s cistern. When I am among the many I live as the many do, and I do not think I really think; after a time it always seems as if they want to banish myself from myself and rob me of my soul.
— Friedrich Nietzsche
2 — Obsession — The only way Out
The only way out of a rut is obsessing over something, redirecting your pent-up energy, and converting potential energy to KINETIC energy.
It will be extremely difficult to make an impact in a field you don’t care or know much about
The noblest pleasure is the joy of understanding.
- DaVinci
3 — Routine — The only way Through
I am not the biggest fan of plans or schedules, but rather routine.
Repetition makes room in your brain to think about other issues, while having you do certain tasks on autopilot; venture to make productive activities autopilot.
Doing the same thing every day gives you the freedom to think deeper and look within
4 — Exponential Growth/Decay of Personality/Identity
When you spend the bulk of your day in a state of self-introspection, you can’t help but change.
If you spend the bulk of your learning time, learning about your mind/body, you can’t help but improve & apply things you’ve learned.
When you are distant from your peers for an extended period, whilst obsessing on other tasks, change (that seems exponential) is inevitable
5 — Failure — The only way How
The only way to know how well you are doing, how much more you must do, how others perceive you, and how to live is to fail.
Failure has been the door to all of my opportunities.
My high school admission was a byproduct of the failure of getting into a better high school.
My best wrestling tournament was a failure of making weight, so I went a weight class up.
6 — Lack of Direction
My lowest, most confusing, etc. moments were because I didn’t know what to do, where to go, how to do it, who to ask, etc.
What worked the best was….
HAVE FAITH + DON’T STOP + CREATE SYSTEMS.
6 — SUCCESS
- Brooklyn College Research Fellowship
- Placed 2nd in an Adult Bodybuilding Competition
- Placed 1st in an Adult Jiu-Jitsu Tournament
- Wrote another book
- Wrote a fitness ebook
- Became a member of the Mensa Society
- Interviewed and declined solely due to age at a large Venture Capital Firm in San Francisco
- Interviewed several rounds for a Web 3 Startup after creating my own Cryptocurrency
- Woke up at 3:30 am and worked many 5 am shifts at Starbucks
- Won a hackathon at Princeton University
- Was flown out to the biggest AI conference in the world
- Posted over 175 blogs and articles
- Modeled for Hanes Underwear and a Swimwear Brand
- Never lost my cool toward anyone
- Never fell out of consistency & routine with training & health
- Became exponentially leaner, stronger, faster, and healthier
- Learned how to code
- Got AI research opportunities with IVY Professors
- Got 15+ Programming, Data, and AI certifications
- Worked multiple jobs
- Never let my current state dictate my self-perception
- Improve relationships with my family
I hope that all of my peers experience a period similar to my gap year.
It’s both fortunate and unfortunate; fortunate because we live in a safe society, and unfortunate because we lack anything of higher honor. My gap year seems to have provided me with a rite of passage to a life of independence and adulthood.
The lowest valleys were insignificant compared to the peak of reflecting on what has transpired over the past year.
